we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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