John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
