i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
