lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
