I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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