is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
