I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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