i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
