Whod you bang
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
