I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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