dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
