Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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