After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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