is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
