Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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