I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
