are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They took my balls.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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