I want to have your abortion
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
