Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
