Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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