I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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