We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
