Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
