I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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