First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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