i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
