Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
