I hate all girls vehemently.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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