One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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