roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
