Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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