I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
youre lurking in front of me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
