Nicole vs. Life
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
