I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
