Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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