she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
