ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
