i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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