I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my poor anus
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
