508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
