This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
