I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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