Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
