I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The Olympian is in my bed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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