Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
