Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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