The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
