Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
