Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
