so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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