she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I supernannyed him into submission
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
