we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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